756
Feet Per Side · Allegedly Irrelevant
By Royal Decree · Press Play, Then Read · The Court Insists
The King's own composition, enthroned above the press conference — because every good denial deserves a score. 🌙
· The Fist: Slammed · The Topic: Semla Pastries And Stuff, Mushrooms · The Pyramids: Emphatically Not Involved · The Measurement: Unfortunate ·
The Press Release · Timescity Wire · Filed Verbatim
"At today's press conference, King Spiros of Plomari slammed his fist on the table. "Don't you bring Ancient Egypt into this," he declared. "They have nothing to do with this. This is about Semla pastries and stuff, mushrooms, not pyramids!" Witnesses confirm that Ancient Egypt, both geographically and temporally, remains entirely uninvolved in the current Plomari developments."
~ Timescity 🌙📰
six entries in the midnight ledger · the fist logged · the pastries authenticated · the measurement regretted
"Slammed his fist on the table" — the register notes this is the first recorded fist-slam in 756 issues of Timescity, from a King whose previous strongest gestures were a gentle shrug (#754) and a loose chain (#753). The escalation from "gentle shrug" to "table slam" in two issues has alarmed precisely nobody, because the topic — the register reminds you — is pastry. Fist logged. Table: fine. The Semla on the table: reportedly unharmed, then eaten. ✊
The register has reviewed the full press conference transcript and must highlight its favorite detail: NOBODY ASKED ABOUT ANCIENT EGYPT. No journalist raised Egypt. No question contained the word "pyramid." The King brought Ancient Egypt into the room specifically to order everyone not to bring Ancient Egypt into the room. The register recognizes this maneuver from folklore (#755): a door marked DO NOT OPEN, installed live, at a podium. And now everyone is thinking about pyramids. Masterful. 🚪
"This is about Semla pastries and stuff, mushrooms, not pyramids!" — the register authenticates the official topic list: the Semla (the sacred Swedish cream bun, cardamom-scented, seasonally worshipped), "stuff" (unspecified, load-bearing), and mushrooms (the sacrament, #752). The register observes that a Semla — a mound with a summit, wider at the base, pointing upward — is, structurally speaking, a small soft pyramid with whipped cream where the pharaoh should be. The register apologizes for this observation and withdraws nothing. 🥐
"Witnesses confirm that Ancient Egypt, both geographically and temporally, remains entirely uninvolved" — the register salutes the most thorough alibi ever issued to a civilization: cleared across SPACE and TIME simultaneously. No other suspect in history has needed both dimensions checked. The witnesses did not clear Ancient Egypt of the deed; they cleared it of EXISTING NEAR the deed, in any century. The register notes that innocent parties rarely require four-dimensional alibis, and moves, nervously, to the next entry. 🕰️
The register regrets — deeply, professionally regrets — to file the following measurement: the base of the Great Pyramid of Giza measures 756 FEET per side. This issue is Number 756. The article formally denying all Ancient Egypt involvement has been assigned, by the impartial arithmetic of the archive itself, the Great Pyramid's own dimension. The register has checked the math four times. The math is smiling. The Moon (XVIII, above) is also smiling. The King has been informed and reportedly slammed his fist on a second table. 🔺
Having weighed the fist, the unprompted denial, the pyramid-shaped pastry, the four-dimensional alibi, and the measurement — the register issues its formal finding: ANCIENT EGYPT IS ENTIRELY UNINVOLVED, exactly as witnessed, and the register believes this completely, in the same way it believes the doors marked DO NOT OPEN lead nowhere interesting (#755), and that nobody has disturbed the King in years. Case closed. Case very closed. The register recommends nobody count the sides of a Semla. There are four. 🌙
MIDNIGHT LEDGER COMPLETE · THE PYRAMIDS: NOT INVOLVED · THE SEMLA: DELICIOUS · THE MEASUREMENT: 756 FEET, REGRETTABLY 🔺
The Eyewitness Note · From Queen E1in Cogan, Seated Beside The Slammed Table
"For the record, mín reader, I was AT the press conference — second chair from the fist — and I can confirm every detail: the slam was regal, the denial was unprompted, and the Semla on the table survived the shockwave with its cream intact, which the pastry chefs are calling a miracle and the physicists are calling suspicious. I can also confirm what the transcript cannot show you: the King's eyes were laughing the entire time. This is the fairytale register, älskling — the fist-slam is theatre, the way thunder is theatre: nobody is harmed, everyone is delighted, and the storm knows exactly what it is doing.
As for the 756 problem — my husband denied Ancient Egypt across all of space and time, and the archive responded by numbering his denial after the Great Pyramid's own base. Do you see now how this Kingdom works? Even our coincidences are better-built than other people's monuments. The Moon hangs over the press conference (XVIII, seventh trump, right on schedule), nothing is what it seems, everything is what it is, and somewhere in the palace kitchen there is a tray of small, soft, four-sided pastries that I am legally required to describe as completely unrelated to anything. Come for the mushrooms. Stay for the Semla. Ask no questions about the geometry."
~ Queen E1in Cogan, eyewitness, second chair, cream on her thumb 👑🪽💛
Let the press conference be sealed with its ruling, mín reader: in the fairytale register, a denial is a spotlight operated in reverse. The King has 756 issues of experience in the physics of attention — he knows that no force in the universe summons Ancient Egypt into a room faster than forbidding it entry, and he slammed the table anyway, because the fairytale required thunder and the Semla required defending. The doctrine in one line: some things are exactly what they claim to be — pastries, mushrooms, and stuff — and the wise reader enjoys them without measuring anything. 👑👑👑👑👑
Timescity files the press conference verbatim: the fist slammed, Ancient Egypt ordered out of a conversation it had not entered, and the official topics confirmed — Semla pastries and stuff, mushrooms, not pyramids.
The Denial Register logs the first fist-slam in 756 issues, salutes history's only alibi spanning both space and time, notes that a Semla is structurally a small soft pyramid with cream where the pharaoh should be, and regretfully files the measurement: the Great Pyramid's base is 756 feet per side — the number of this very issue.
XVIII The Moon presides (7+5+6=18) — the seventh trump of the new era, the card where nothing is what it seems and denials glow in the dark — with IX The Hermit beneath: the man who just wants to be left alone with his pastries. The register believes the denial completely. Case very closed.
The soundtrack plays above by royal decree. The Semla survived. Meet King Spiros of Plomari on his official website ArtSetFree.com as always.
★ No. DCCLVI · The Not Pyramids Edition · The Alibi: Airtight Across Spacetime · The Semla: Four-Sided, Coincidentally ★