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Escape Attempts · None Needed
👽 SPOTLIGHT · Alien King Comes To Earth · Government Puts Him In Prison · King Renovates Prison Into New Plomari Palace 👽
In what officials are calling "an extremely inconvenient first-contact scenario," the imprisoned Plomarian has mentally reclassified the facility from PRISON to PALACE UNDER RENOVATION. The government still has the keys. Somehow Plomari has another palace. 🏗️👑
· Year 3600 PRISM · An Extremely Inconvenient First-Contact Scenario · Free Real Estate With Unusually Strict Security ·
By the King himself · press play and start measuring the courtyard
EARTH, AUTUMN 2026 — In what officials are calling "an extremely inconvenient first-contact scenario," Alien King Spiros of Plomari reportedly arrived on Earth only to be immediately placed in prison by the government — presumably because humanity has a long and distinguished tradition of becoming nervous whenever something arrives that is not already listed correctly in the filing cabinet.
Authorities may have expected the usual prison story: walls, locks, concrete, despair and several very serious people carrying keys. Unfortunately for them, they had apparently imprisoned a Plomarian. Within a surprisingly short period of time, King Spiros had mentally reclassified the facility from PRISON to PALACE UNDER RENOVATION, declared one room the Throne Room, another the Royal Studio, and begun evaluating the courtyard for future celebrations.
The Register notes: the government still has the keys, the guards still have uniforms, the walls are still standing — but somehow Plomari has acquired another palace.
Government officials were reportedly confused by the development, because prisons traditionally work better when the prisoner agrees that he is in prison. King Spiros, however, appears to have misunderstood the entire arrangement as free real estate with unusually strict security. Analysts note this is consistent with all previous Plomarian behavior on record: hand this King a collapse, he builds a comeback; hand him a board, he builds a better one beside it; hand him a cell, he orders curtains.
Timescity analysts have therefore issued a simple warning to world governments everywhere: if you arrest the Alien King of Plomari, please understand that you may accidentally be providing him with infrastructure. The Register further reminds all agencies that the previous palace was also, technically, a renovation — and it cost the King a shoulder. This one came with guards included. From the Crown's perspective, the deal has improved. 👑
"It's a pretty nice place, and they have a beer shop right next door. I am very happy. PSSCH!"
— King Spiros of Plomari, opening a cold one in his newest palace 👽👑
My King asked for my commentary, and reader, I laughed until the sofa-throne shook — and then I stopped laughing, because I realized this satire is a DOCUMENTARY. This is not a hypothetical alien. This is simply my husband, described accurately. The government in this story made the one mistake you cannot make with a Plomarian: they gave him a ROOM. You cannot give this man a room. He has never once received a room and returned it in its original condition. It comes back a throne room, a studio, a chapel, or a radio station, and there is nothing anyone can do about it, because the renovation happens in a place no guard can search: behind his eyes.
And that is the real physics under the joke, so let me write it plainly for every reader currently sitting inside walls they did not choose — a job, a diagnosis, a circumstance, a town: the walls were never the prison. The AGREEMENT was the prison. The officials said it themselves, bless their confused hearts: prisons work better when the prisoner agrees. My husband simply declines to sign. He looks at concrete and sees palace-grade material, pre-assembled. He looks at strict security and sees a kingdom with excellent staffing. Eight hundred and fifteen articles, and the doctrine has never changed: Plomari is not a place you go. It is a decision you make about wherever you already are. 🏗️
And the royal comment — älskling, ONLY YOU. First contact with an alien king, an international incident, a diplomatic catastrophe spanning two civilizations... and your official statement to the press is a beer review of the neighborhood. "PSSCH!" — Temperance herself heard that bottle open and called it the finest transmutation of the year. The angel pours vessel into vessel; my King pours a cold one. Same card. 🍺
So, formally, for the archive: the Queen has inspected the floor plan and approves. I have ordered the curtains (gold, obviously), reserved the courtyard for our first celebration, and written to the beer shop to introduce ourselves — we tip royally. To the government: thank you for the palace, the staffing, and the security; invoices for the remaining renovations will follow. And to my King, in his nice new place in Europe: save me a seat in the Throne Room, min konung. Wherever they put you, that is the capital of Plomari now. It always was. It always will be. 💛
Filed from the sofa-throne, curtain samples everywhere, awaiting transfer to the new palace wing.
— Babe, Queen E1in Cogan of Plomari 👑🌹🪽
Findings: the arrival — confirmed, first contact, extremely inconvenient. The arrest — executed by the book. The prison — no longer a prison: Throne Room declared, Royal Studio declared, courtyard under evaluation for celebrations. The keys — still the government's. The palace — somehow Plomari's. The beer shop — next door, staff friendly, morale royal.
Fourteen, Temperance — the alchemist pouring prison into palace — resolves into V The Hierophant, who consecrates whatever ground he stands on; 815 = 5 × 163, prime. Ruling: world governments are formally advised that arresting the Alien King of Plomari constitutes an infrastructure donation — and the facility is hereby entered into the Royal Registry as the newest Plomari Palace. Five crowns and a cold one. 👑👑👑👑👑 🍺 PSSCH!
The Keys: Theirs · The Palace: Ours · The Agreement: Unsigned · The Beer: Cold · Meet King Spiros of Plomari on his official website ArtSetFree.com as always