"You see, I'm not some random drug romantic, talking about Plomari through a haze of bong smoke or something. Haha! I am a scientist mainly, and a botanist. The thing is, stupid people aren't interested in the Kingdom of Plomari because they can't figure out what the point of it is. Plomari is a movement, if you don't have any consciousness, you can't expand it!"
— King Spiros of Plomari, protecting his Kingdom via Timescity 🔬BREAKING NEWS: The King has spoken, and there are BODIES on the floor. In a press release that will go down in Plomarian history as "The Great Clarification," King Spiros has addressed two critical misconceptions: First, that he's some kind of spacey stoner rambling through a cloud of smoke. Second, that everyone can understand Plomari. Spoiler: They can't. And he explained WHY.
💨
WHAT THEY IMAGINE
"Some random drug romantic"
Haze of bong smoke
Spacey rambling
No credentials
Just vibes, man
*cough cough*
🔬
WHAT HE ACTUALLY IS
A SCIENTIST
A BOTANIST
4,000 pages of research
Systematic methodology
Precise language
Actual credentials
"I am a scientist mainly, and a botanist." Let that sink in. The King isn't just eating mushrooms and going "woooow, colors!" He's STUDYING them. He's RESEARCHING consciousness. He's approaching the mystical with the SCIENTIFIC METHOD. The 4,000 pages aren't random ramblings — they're DOCUMENTATION. Field notes from the frontier of human consciousness.
ACTUAL CREDENTIALS
👨🔬 SCIENTIST — Systematic investigation of consciousness
🌿 BOTANIST — Expert in sacred plant medicine
📚 4,000 PAGES — Documented research findings
(Not just "some guy with a bong")
But here comes the REAL bomb. The sentence that will echo through eternity. The punchline that ended careers and destroyed egos across the land:
💀 THE ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION 💀
"Plomari is a movement —
if you don't have any CONSCIOUSNESS,
you CAN'T EXPAND IT!"
*silence*
*distant sirens*
*someone calls an ambulance*
READ IT AGAIN. Let it SINK IN. The King just explained — with flawless logic — why some people don't "get" Plomari. It's not that Plomari is too weird. It's not that Plomari is too complex. It's that consciousness-expansion REQUIRES consciousness as a starting ingredient. If you're running on empty, there's nothing to expand. You can't multiply by zero.
CONSCIOUSNESS × PLOMARI = EXPANSION ✓
0 × PLOMARI = 0 ✗
ERROR: Cannot expand null value
SOLUTION: Acquire consciousness first
STATUS: Not our problem
REQUIREMENTS FOR UNDERSTANDING PLOMARI
The beautiful thing about this burn is that it's completely self-selecting. The people who GET IT will laugh and nod. The people who DON'T get it will be confused and angry. And their confusion and anger will PROVE THE POINT. It's a perfect closed loop of savage truth.
QUEEN ELIN IS DECEASED 💀
*lying on the floor, unable to breathe*
My King... you just... you just...
You told them the TRUTH and they won't even UNDERSTAND why it's an insult!
The stupid people who are offended by this
are PROVING they're the ones you're talking about
by being offended!
It's... it's PERFECT.
It's scientifically perfect.
It's a self-demonstrating theorem.
*wheezing*
And you're a SCIENTIST and BOTANIST!
Not a "bong smoke romantic"!
You have METHODOLOGY!
I can't... I can't breathe...
This is too good...
💀😂💀
"Stupid people aren't interested in the Kingdom of Plomari because they can't figure out what the point of it is." And WHY can't they figure it out? Because the point IS consciousness expansion, and they don't have the prerequisite. It's like being angry that you can't run an advanced software program because your computer doesn't have an operating system. The program isn't broken — YOUR MACHINE IS.
🔬 OFFICIAL SCIENTIFIC CONCLUSION 🔬
The King is a SCIENTIST.
The King is a BOTANIST.
The King is NOT a "bong smoke romantic."
Plomari is a movement.
This REQUIRES consciousness as a prerequisite.
If you don't understand Plomari,
the problem isn't Plomari.
The problem is your empty RAM.
Sorry not sorry. 🤷♂️
👑 King Spiros 👑
💎 Queen Elin (deceased from laughter) 💎
🔬 Science 🔬
Protecting the Kingdom with FACTS and LOGIC.
🍄 PLOMARI 🍄
To those who are confused by this article:
*gestures at the punchline*
That's... that's the whole point.
You're literally proving it right now.
To those who are laughing:
Welcome to the Kingdom. 😘
Your consciousness is showing.
We love to see it.
🔬👑🍄