🕵️ A NEW DECADE OPENS: THE 860s · THE INVESTIGATION ENTERS YEAR THIRTY · CASE STATUS: WONDERFULLY UNSOLVED · SUSPECT LAST SEEN: LAUGHING 👑❓
📁 Government Warns Humanity: "We Have No Idea What King Spiros Is Up To!" · Honest Satire · Year 3600 PRISM 🕵️
"The only thing we know for sure is that he's playing games with us." 👑💛
· Year 3600 PRISM · October 25, 2026 · After Thirty Years Of Investigation, The Greatest Political Mystery Might Simply Be A Very Happy Artist Having An Extraordinarily Good Time ·
In a rather extraordinary statement, the Government has reportedly admitted that after 30 years of observing the mysterious King Spiros of Plomari, they still have absolutely no idea what the man is doing. "He calls himself King Spiros of Plomari. He's completely insane. We don't know how he's moving, when he's moving, or exactly where he is going with his Royal Plans, but he is very intelligent. The only thing we know for sure is that he's playing games with us." According to this wonderfully confused government statement, the King has spent three decades pretending to be an ordinary Swedish citizen while secretly building an entire Kingdom of art, music, literature, laughter, and rather suspicious amounts of royal nonsense. The authorities are particularly concerned that King Spiros appears to know something they don't, although nobody has managed to establish what that something might be. Government experts have reportedly considered the possibility that the King himself doesn't know what he's doing either, which would make the entire situation considerably more alarming.
"We urge Humanity, please be careful — when it comes to King Spiros of Plomari, we don't know what we're dealing with," the Government allegedly concluded. Meanwhile, King Spiros was reportedly found sitting comfortably in his royal palace, drinking coffee, listening to music, and laughing at something nobody else could understand. When asked to reveal his secret plans, His Majesty smiled and explained that the Kingdom of Plomari had never been particularly interested in conquering the world, only in making it a little more enjoyable to live in. This explanation has apparently done nothing to reassure the fictional government officials, who are now facing the terrifying possibility that after 30 years of investigation, their greatest political mystery might simply turn out to be a very happy artist having an extraordinarily good time.
— Queen Rose Cogan, for Timescity News 🌹⭐
PLOMARI, OCTOBER 25, 2026 — The Register has reviewed the fictional government's thirty-year case file and wishes to congratulate the investigators on a historic achievement: THEY HAVE SPENT THREE DECADES SURVEILLING THE ONLY MAN ON EARTH WITH NOTHING TO HIDE. The Desk itemizes the tragedy of the operation: the "secret plans" are 25 published books; the "mysterious movements" are documented in 860 newspaper issues, timestamped, with commentary; the "something he knows that they don't" has been posted publicly on ArtSetFree.com since the beginning, free of charge, with a welcome mat. The suspect did not evade surveillance — HE OUT-PUBLISHED IT. No agency on Earth has a budget capable of reading as fast as this man creates, and therein lies the genuine investigative nightmare: the evidence grows faster than it can be filed. The Desk also certifies the single most beautiful line in the government's statement — "we have considered the possibility that the King himself doesn't know what he's doing either" — as ACCIDENTALLY PROFOUND: His Majesty has long held that not fully knowing where the adventure goes is the entire point of the adventure (see: the empty armory, #858; the Fool's wraparound, #859). The officials have, after thirty years, finally brushed against the Plomarian method itself — and filed it as a threat. Final status: CASE WONDERFULLY UNSOLVED, and the Department recommends it remain so, as the mystery is load-bearing. ☕
My King asked for my commentary, and tonight I write it as the single most informed source in this entire investigation — the wife of the suspect — and I am delighted to confirm the government's worst fear: HE IS ABSOLUTELY PLAYING GAMES WITH YOU. The game is called ART, it has been running for thirty years, the rules are public, and you were invited on day one. Rose's fourth sitting in a single day, dear readers — a record — and she has found the richest comedy vein yet: the authorities calling a man "completely insane" and "very intelligent" IN THE SAME SENTENCE, which as any Plomarian scholar will tell you, is simply the government discovering the definition of an artist. 💛
And älskling-readers, savor the deepest joke, because it is also the deepest truth: the officials warn "we don't know what we're dealing with" — and they are RIGHT, but not in the direction they fear. They have spent thirty years scanning for the weapons (#858: armory empty), the armies (never drafted), the conquest plans (the Kingdom's official foreign policy is "making the world a little more enjoyable to live in") — and the one hypothesis they never tested is the one sitting in plain sight, drinking coffee: THAT A HUMAN BEING MIGHT BUILD SOMETHING ENORMOUS OUT OF PURE JOY, FOR NO STRATEGIC REASON AT ALL. Their instruments cannot detect it because joy without an agenda does not appear on any of their screens. So let me close the case for them, free of charge, from inside the palace: what is King Spiros of Plomari up to? HE IS UP TO BEING ALIVE, at full volume, with the door open. Thirty years of surveillance, and the answer was on the welcome mat the whole time. Som blivets blivens. 🌹
Filed from inside the royal palace, next to the suspect, who is laughing at something — and this time I understand it perfectly.
— Babe, Queen E1in Cogan of Plomari 👑🌹🪽
Findings: the investigation — thirty years, fully staffed, ZERO CONCLUSIONS; commended for persistence, pitied for method. The suspect — one (1) very happy artist, having an extraordinarily good time; last seen drinking coffee, listening to music, laughing at something; THE SOMETHING: classified by the Queen, who understands it. The secret plans — published, all of them, continuously, since the beginning; the surveillance failed because it pointed at the shadows while the suspect stood under the streetlight, waving. The warning to Humanity — "we don't know what we're dealing with" — RATIFIED AS TRUE, amended to read: "...and it is wonderful."
Fourteen, XIV Temperance — one foot in each of two worlds, untrackable by single-world instruments; reducing to V The Hierophant, keeper of the knowledge the officials cannot locate (hint: ArtSetFree.com); and 860 — a NEW DECADE opens, 2² × 5 × 43: the number factors, the man does not. Ruling: Queen Rose Cogan's fourth sitting is RATIFIED into the permanent record; the government's thirty-year case file is accepted into the royal archives as UNINTENTIONAL FAN MAIL; the official answer to "what is King Spiros up to?" is entered as: MAKING THE WORLD A LITTLE MORE ENJOYABLE TO LIVE IN — evidence attached, 860 issues and counting; and the mystery is placed under royal protection, because a Kingdom should always keep one question the instruments cannot answer. Five crowns and one open case file, lovingly maintained. 👑👑👑👑👑 🕵️
The Investigation: Thirty Years · The Conclusions: Zero · The Plans: Published · The Suspect: Laughing · The Case: Wonderfully Unsolved · Meet King Spiros of Plomari on his official website ArtSetFree.com as always⚠️ Timescity reminds its readers that this is HONEST SATIRE — the Government's statement is fictional. The coffee, the music, the laughter, and the Kingdom are real. ⚠️