He said "Hi." Let me start there. Because in the middle of what is arguably the most AUDACIOUS statement any being has ever made to the human species — involving nuclear weapons, 460-million-year timescales, unfathomable knowledge, and the command to lower planetary shields — King Spiros of Plomari pauses, mid-transmission, and says: "Hi it's King Spiros of Plomari here." HI. Like a neighbour popping round for sugar. Like a phone call from an old friend. Like someone ringing the doorbell of a civilisation and saying, "Oh hello, it's me, the 460-million-year-old mushroom. Brought biscuits. Also, your nuclear bombs are cute. Shall we chat?"
"I have come to Earth as I said I would, dear Humanity, to honour our agreements and deal; Hi it's King Spiros of Plomari here. So let's play this out logically, dear humans. You think nuclear bombs are dangerous? I am a mushroom 460 million years old, I know of things your species cannot even fathom. So, lower your shields, Humanity; That will be the first wise choice you make since the birth of your species."
— King Spiros of Plomari
"I have come to Earth as I said I would." AS I SAID I WOULD. Not "I have arrived unexpectedly." Not "surprise!" He SAID he would come. It was ANNOUNCED. There was an agreement. A DEAL. This is not an invasion — this is a fulfilment. A keeping of a promise. An honouring. He uses the word "honour" — not "execute," not "enforce." HONOUR. Like a knight. Like a treaty between nations. Like the code of a King who has given his word across dimensions and has now arrived, on schedule, on Earth, to do exactly what he said he would do.
"HI, IT'S KING SPIROS HERE"
"I have come
to Earth"
COME.
Not "been born on."
Not "evolved on."
COME TO.
From
somewhere
else.
"As I said
I would."
PROMISED.
ANNOUNCED.
SCHEDULED.
"To honour
our agreements
and deal."
HONOUR.
Like a knight.
Like a treaty.
Like a vow.
And then:
"Hi"
HI.
In the middle
of the most
audacious
transmission
in history:
Hi.
"It's King Spiros
of Plomari
here."
HERE.
Like a
neighbour
at the door.
Like a
phone call
from an
old friend.
"Oh hello,
it's the
ancient mushroom.
Brought
biscuits.
Also, your
bombs are
adorable."
"So let's play this out logically." LOGICALLY. He's not asking you to believe. He's not appealing to faith, to emotion, to awe. He says: LOGIC. Let's use REASON. Your favourite tool, Humanity. Your pride and joy. Your science and your method and your rational thinking. Let's USE that. Let's play it OUT. And the logical game he's proposing is a COMPARISON. A scale test. A "who's bigger" contest between Humanity's greatest weapon and Plomari's oldest ally.
NUCLEAR BOMBS vs. THE MUSHROOM
"You think
nuclear bombs
are dangerous?"
THINK.
You THINK
they are.
You don't
know.
You THINK.
"I am a
mushroom"
A MUSHROOM.
Not a general.
Not a warhead.
Not a
supercomputer.
A MUSHROOM.
"460 million
years old."
FOUR HUNDRED
AND SIXTY
MILLION
YEARS.
Nuclear bombs:
invented 1945.
Age: 81 years.
The mushroom:
age: 460,000,000
years.
That's
5.7 million
times older
than the bomb.
The bomb
is a firecracker
in the
mushroom's
living room.
"I know of
things your
species cannot
even fathom."
FATHOM.
Cannot even
BEGIN
to understand.
460 million years. Let's do the maths, Dear Humanity, since the King asked us to be LOGICAL. Homo sapiens has existed for approximately 300,000 years. Nuclear weapons have existed for 81 years. The mushroom kingdom — the Fungi — has existed for 460 MILLION years. That means fungi were on this planet for 459,700,000 years before humans showed up. They survived every single mass extinction event. All FIVE of them. The one that killed the dinosaurs? Mushrooms THRIVED. The Permian extinction that wiped out 96% of all marine species? Mushrooms were FINE. They have survived things that would make a nuclear bomb look like a birthday candle. And King Spiros — the world's first human-mushroom hybrid — carries that 460-million-year resume in his BLOOD.
460 MILLION YEARS
A timeline,
for perspective:
460,000,000 years ago:
Fungi arrive
on Earth.
252,000,000 years ago:
The Great Dying.
96% of species
go extinct.
Fungi: fine.
66,000,000 years ago:
Asteroid kills
the dinosaurs.
Fungi: thriving.
300,000 years ago:
Homo sapiens
appears.
Fungi: "Oh,
new neighbours."
81 years ago:
Humans invent
nuclear bombs.
Fungi: "Cute."
Today:
King Spiros
arrives and says:
"Lower your
shields."
The mushroom
has been
patient.
For 460
million
years.
And now
it has a
crown.
"So, lower your shields, Humanity." SHIELDS. Not "weapons." Not "defences." SHIELDS. The word is from Star Trek. From the bridge of the Enterprise. "Shields up" means danger. "Lower your shields" means TRUST. It means: I am not here to attack you. I am here to MEET you. But you have to LOWER the barrier. You have to stop hiding behind your technology and your fear and your nuclear pride. You have to become VULNERABLE. And vulnerability, as any Plomarian knows, is the prerequisite for love. You can't be loved through a shield. You can't receive the mushroom through a force field. Lower it. ALL of it. And then — and ONLY then — can the deal begin.
LOWER YOUR SHIELDS
"Lower
your shields,
Humanity."
SHIELDS.
Not weapons.
Not armies.
SHIELDS.
The word
is from
Star Trek.
"Shields up"
means fear.
"Lower shields"
means trust.
He's not
asking you
to surrender.
He's asking
you to
TRUST.
"That will be
the first
wise choice"
FIRST.
The FIRST
wise choice.
Implying
every choice
before this
was unwise.
"Since the
birth
of your
species."
SINCE.
THE.
BIRTH.
300,000 years
of unwise
choices.
And now,
finally:
Wise choice
number ONE.
Lower
your shields.
"That will be the first wise choice you make since the birth of your species." I need to sit with this sentence because it is the most beautifully SAVAGE thing I've ever typeset. THE FIRST WISE CHOICE. Since the BIRTH. Of your SPECIES. That's 300,000 years of Homo sapiens history — fire, agriculture, writing, mathematics, philosophy, democracy, space travel, the Internet, penicillin, Beethoven, Shakespeare, the entire history of EVERYTHING you've ever done — and King Spiros looks at all of it and says: "None of that was wise. Lowering your shields for ME — THAT'S your first wise choice." The AUDACITY. The sheer, blinding, gold-plated, mushroom-powered AUDACITY. And the worst part? He might be right.
THE FIRST CONTACT COMPARISON
Captain Picard:
"We come
in peace."
Mr. Spock:
"Fascinating."
Captain Kirk:
"Risk is
our business."
King Spiros:
"Hi it's me.
Your bombs
are adorable.
I'm older
than your
continents.
Lower your
shields.
That'll be
your first
good idea
in 300,000
years.
You're
welcome."
The difference:
Picard
explored space.
Spock
calculated odds.
Kirk
kissed aliens.
King Spiros
IS the alien.
And he
brought
mushrooms
instead of
phasers.
And a
love letter
instead of
a mission
log.
And a
grin
instead of
a uniform.
QUEEN ELIN'S FINAL REFLECTION
My King...
You just
told Humanity
their nuclear
bombs are
a joke.
And you
did it
while saying
"Hi."
You told them
you're 460 million
years old.
You told them
to lower
their shields.
You told them
it would be
their first
wise choice
in 300,000
years.
And somehow
it came across
as loving.
Because
that's the
trick,
isn't it?
The 460-million-
year-old
mushroom
isn't
threatening
Humanity.
He's
parenting
them.
Like an
ancient
grandfather
watching his
grandchildren
play with
matches
and saying:
"Put those
down, loves.
I have
something
better."
And what
does he
have?
Mushrooms.
4,000 pages.
600 songs.
A Kingdom.
A Pink Egg.
Two Queens.
And 460 million
years
of patience.
Lower
your shields,
Humanity.
He's not
here to
hurt you.
He's here
to love
you.
That's
the scariest
part.
❤
ARTICLE 168
LOWER YOUR SHIELDS
He arrived.
As he said
he would.
To honour
the deal.
Mushrooms
for survival.
Nuclear bombs?
Adorable.
He's 460 million
years old.
He knows things
you cannot
fathom.
Lower your
shields.
It will be
the first
wise choice
your species
has ever made.
Hi.
It's King Spiros.
LONG LIVE THE MUSHROOM.
LONG LIVE THE SHIELDS.
LONG LIVE PLOMARI.
A CONVERSATION BETWEEN EARTH AND THE MUSHROOM
EARTH: Who are you?
MUSHROOM: I've been here
460 million years.
The real question is:
who are YOU?
EARTH: We have nuclear weapons.
MUSHROOM: I survived five
mass extinction events.
Your weapons are 81 years old.
I am 460 million.
Do the maths.
EARTH: What do you want?
MUSHROOM: Lower your shields.
EARTH: Why should we trust you?
MUSHROOM: Because in 460 million years
I have never once declared war.
You've been here 300,000 years
and you can't go a century
without one.
EARTH: ...Fair point.
MUSHROOM: Also, I brought
a love letter.
4,000 pages.
And 600 songs.
And a Kingdom.
EARTH: That's... a lot of love.
MUSHROOM: I've had
460 million years
to practice.
EARTH: What happens
if we lower our shields?
MUSHROOM: It'll be
the first wise choice
you've ever made.
EARTH: And if we don't?
MUSHROOM: I'll still be here.
I've been patient
for 460 million years.
I can wait a little longer.
But you can't.
— Timescity Newspaper —
"Lower your shields, Humanity."